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July 9, 2015

10 Weird Vintage Sex Tips That Will Make You Glad That You Weren’t Born Any Earlier

Thanks to the sexual revolution of the ’60s and a whole host of laws and new social norms that let women have a little thing called a voice, women are a lot more open about sex and sexuality than they used to be.

Sure, we can argue that sex is still a bit of a taboo in our culture in more ways than one, like the fact that we live in a society where we’re simultaneously advertised sex and discouraged from being sexual. But we can all agree that sex and sexuality now is a lot different than sex and sexuality back in the ’40s. Here are 10 weird sex tips that will make you glad that you weren’t born any earlier.

1. Men Must Always Be Dominant In Bed Because Just Because

According to an awful book from 1945 called What Men Don't Like About Women, women just need to shut their trap and let men take control, especially in bed. It reads, "There are few things in this world that offend a man more than to be directed in the sex act by his woman... Nature demands that the male be dominant in bed if nowhere else."

2. Don't Read Sexy Books Because You'll Get All Tingly Which Is Bad

A 1913 book titled What A Young Woman Ought To Know suggests that women stay away from reading novels with any romantic bits in them. Why? Because you'll get all horned up and there's nothing worse than a woman who feels sexual.

The book states, "It is not only that novel-reading engenders false and unreal ideas of life, but the descriptions of love-scenes, of thrilling, romantic episodes, find an echo in the girl's physical system and tend to create an abnormal excitement of her organs of sex."

3. Avoid Having Sex With Fish!

At the turn of the century, a woman by the name of Elspeth Marr jotted down a bunch of tips that, in her opinion, made for a ideal marriage and lifestyle. They were later compiled into a book called Aunt Epp's Guide for Life: Miscellaneous Musings of a Victorian Lady and it's as ridiculous and old fashioned as you can imagine.

Perhaps the most WTF worthy tip is one that concocts a plan for getting your boo to stop wanting to have sex with you if you're not feeling it anymore: "If a man is like the tomcat or the bull, you should keep a stale fish beneath the bed on his side.Put it where he cannot discover it. For example, loosen a floorboard and plant the fish underneath. The bad smell will take his mind off intercourse."

4. Oral Sex Is Totes Gross

Smythers also wanted to remind us that oral sex is nasty and any mouth action that ain't on the lips is straight up sinful.

In the same aforementioned book she wrote the following: "Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn."

5. Gay Men Like To Use Food When They Have Sex

Oh my God... it's hard to believe that this is real but it is. Back in 1969 a little book called Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask) came out. Its author, David R. Reuben, didn't hesitate to cover homosexuality, a topic that was a lot more taboo then than it is now. Too bad a well meaning attempt to discuss cis-male homosexual sex ended up sounding so awkward:

"Since Nature apparently did not anticipate homosexuality, the male has not been equipped with glands to secrete a sexual lubricant. Thus the first problem that two gay guys have to solve before making love is lubrication. Many homosexuals favor cooking grease. Salad oil and margarine are commonly used. Among gourmets, butter and olive oil are preferred... Carrots and cucumbers are pressed into service. Forced into the anus, lubricated with vegetable oil, they give homosexuals what they seek. Egg white is also considered a good lubricant. Sometimes the whole egg in the shell finds itself where it doesn’t belong. Sausages, especially the milder varieties, are also popular."

6. Do Chores To Avoid Thinking About Sex, You Filthy Sluts!

God forbid a teen girl have a sexual thought, right? Well, that was definitely not approved of back in 1963 when Ann Landers Talks to Teen-Agers About Sex was released. One tip suggested that, "Housework, particularly floor-scrubbing, is not only great for the female figure, but it’s good for the soul. And it will help take the edge off your sex appetite."

7. Wear Frilly Pink Undies Because Men Like Frilly Pink Undies

According to Dr. William Josephus Robinson, the best way to get a man ready for takeoff is to wear clean, pristine pink underwear with as much lace and frill as possible...even if you aren't into that. No, seriously, that's what he said: "Every woman should wear the best quality underwear that she can afford. And the color should be preferably pink. And lace and ruffles, I am sorry to say, add to the attractiveness of underwear, and are liked by the average man."

8. Eat Salad Oil To Get That Spark Back In Your Sex Life

A vintage Cosmo sex tip suggests that tweaking a few things can make your sex drive amazing: "That dry, shriveled-up feeling has never come back. I was literally starving my sex drive to death and never even knew it. Now my diet is balanced, varied, and includes salad oil."

9. Don't See Your Boo Naked Or Else You'll Go To Hell Or Something

Ruth Smythers, wife of a vicar, thought she'd give women a little taste of what it's like to be ultra pious with a book called Sex Tips For Husbands and Wives back in 1894. Yes, that long ago. One of the most important tips? Don't let your man see you naked and don't see your man naked either. Smythers wrote, "A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her."

10. Rub Bellybutton Clockwise For Sexy Times

Given the fact that this is from a '60s sex advice book, it's safe to say that they're implying that clockwise bellybutton stroking is the way to go. Honestly, not everyone feels comfortable getting prodded down there, but it's funny and refreshing to see an old sex tip that doesn't shame women for some ridiculous reason.

(This original article was written by Ashley Reese and published on



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