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December 17, 2014

10 Vintage Sinister Santa Christmas Cards From the Late 19th and Early 20th Centuries That Terrify the Tinsel Out of Us

He knows if you've been bad or good.
For his part, he's been exclusively bad.
Here's a small collection of 10 vintage Christmas cards that terrify the tinsel out of us.

Undated - "I can see you. You can't see me, but I can see you."

c. 1880 - "Careful with that tree, Santa. You'll do yourself a mischief. Seriously. Even the old man in your boot is concerned."

c. 1885 - "I'm going down there. (Wink.)"

c. 1885 - "My, what a disproportionately immense head you've got, Santa. Which you've wreathed in holly. Sharp, sharp holly. OK, I'm outta here."

Late 1880s/early 1900s - "Greetings, children, I am Super Santa. Admire my cloak, then allow me to spin you a spool of thread from my extraneous beard hair. Wait, come back..."

1905 - "Oh, another doll, Santa, that's... kinda like my other doll, only blue. Nice. Wait, where are you?" "I'm in a parallel universe accessed via a porthole in the night sky. Check it."

c. 1910 - "You know, people often ask me, 'Santa, what do you do with the children who've been bad?' Here's the answer: I pretend I'm dead and beat them with a bunch of sticks tied up with a ribbon. Happy Christmas."

c. 1912 - "Go ahead, elf, make my day."

c. 1897 - "Now then, children, let's see what old Santa's got for you. How about a Yoko Ono shield and spear set? Or a Punch mannequin? Or a spade? Or a gun?"

c. 1890 - "Just remain absolutely still and maybe he won't see us... OMG, he's turning around..."

(Images: Getty Immages, via Mashable/Retronaut)


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