The Eighties are fondly remembered for break-dancing, mix tapes, big hair, leg-warmers and the threat of
Global Thermonuclear War. But some things from the ‘80s are best left buried and forgotten, like this selection of craptastic automobiles. Presenting the 10 Worst Cars of the 1980s!
1. Cadillac Cimarron
Cadillac - a byword for American automotive luxury and style. A byword shamelessly exploited by GM to produce this, the Cadillac Cimarron, the Worst Car of the 1980s. In essence a J-platform stuffed into a cheap tuxedo, the Cimarron cost almost twice as much as its GM siblings. For that price you got several Cadillac badges inside and out, some plastic trim coated to look like chrome, some (actually rather nice) alloy wheels, optional leather interior, standard A/C, tachometer , chin spoiler with fog lamps, and the ability to tell your more gullible friends that you drive a Cadillac.
Legend has it Cadillac Product Director John Howell has a picture of this car on his office wall, with the caption, “Lest We Forget”. And well he should: the Cimarron is partly responsible for Cadillac’s decline in market share from 3.8% in 1979 to 2.2% in 1997. Traditional buyers of Cadillacs were not interested in a compact car with an 88hp inline 4, and, needless to say, the car was no threat to the likes of the BMW 3-Series or the Audi 100. GM later added a standard V6 in 1987, but it was far too late: it had already cemented its reputation as the Worst Car of the 1980s.
2. Yugo 45
“What they did with the Yugo 45”, an Englishman with an afro once observed, “was to take all the best bits of the Fiat 127 and throw them away.” Originally equipped with an anemic 903cc 44hp sewing machine for an engine, a later upgrade to a 1100cc 55hp motor took the car from being a danger to the public on the highways to merely being an annoyance. This and command-economy build quality that made malaise-era US automakers look brilliant in comparison spawned dozens of jokes about the car: “What comes with every Yugo Owner’s Manual?” Answer: “A Bus Schedule”.
But at least the Yugo was an honest car. It was dirt cheap (just under $10k in today’s money), and it never pretended to be something it wasn’t, unlike our next vehicle...
3. Oldsmobile Delta 88 Diesel
Ever notice that very few American cars come in diesel versions? Well, #3 on the list is the reason why. Rising gas prices and new emissions regulations prompted GM to develop a diesel engine, offered as an option on the Delta 88. In what surely must be a record for biggest engine with the weakest output, this 5.7L V8 diesel produced a pathetic 105bhp and an even more embarrassing 165 lb-ft of torque.
Needless to say, this power output was inadequate considering the size and weight of the car. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the engine suffered nightmarish reliability issues and smoked like a character from Mad Men. The result was that Americans, somewhat justifiably, refused to consider domestic diesels for the next 25 years. Even today, automotive journalists have a tough time convincing some people that diesels “don’t suck”, and even then, they often recommend European models.
4. Chevrolet Camaro “Iron Duke”
GM’s pony killer was redesigned for 1982 with a Hot New Look for the Eighties. Not so hot was the infamous 4-cylinder 85bhp Iron Duke engine mated to a 3-speed slushbox that came with the woefully misnamed Sport Coupe model. As befits a brand-new model in GM’s malaise era, the 1982 model was buggy and not well put together, prone to rust and flaky paint.
For true Camaro fans, GM offered the Z28 with a proper 5.0L V8 - producing between 145 and 165hp. How GM managed to get so little out of so much is a mystery that the next car will leave unsolved.
5. Maserati Biturbo
A crazed Englishman once destroyed his Biturbo by dropping a dumpster filled with scrap metal on top of it, claiming it “Got what it deserved”. His anger can be understood as the car promised the world but delivered a service bill instead.
Many epic cars have worn the trident badge, and at first glance this looks to be equally epic, a RWD Italian sport saloon with an F1-bred twin turbo V6 producing up to 225hp. Many were seduced by her charms, but it quickly became apparent that this Italian lady was a Black Widow. Unreliable electrics were the least of her weapons: if the turbocharger wasn’t exploding, the engine was.
You can still find them, lurking in junkyards, hoping to snare one last victim...