In a world full of government regulations where every light bulb comes in a package explaining how you shouldn't eat it, it's easy to forget that it wasn't always like this. Once upon a time, not only did manufacturers not care what we did with their product, they seemed to build entire ad campaigns around tempting us to use them to kill our children.
1. Cocaine Isn't Just for Daddy Anymore
OK, maybe we're being a little unfair here. Sure, we know cocaine is bad for kids now. But they didn't know back in 1885 when this ad ran.
2. Gilbert Atomic Energy Lab
Yes, the Gilbert Atomic Energy Lab came with real live radioactive materials. It was supposedly low-level radiation and "completely safe and harmless!" though this is 1950 we're talking about. It's impossible to know if they were using the modern definition of the word "safe" or the Iver Johnson Revolver definition.
This toy was unofficially promoted by the U.S. government, which advertised a cash reward along with the toy to anyone who used the toy's Geiger counter to find uranium. There was presumably an additional reward for the first brave little boy to successfully use his Gilbert Atomic Energy Lab to kill a communist.
3. Gillette Safety Razor
There are two possible messages from this 1905 ad for a Gillette Safety Razor. The first is that nothing quite says "safe thing for your baby to play with" like a stick with open blades at the end.
Or you could make the fairly logical assumption that in the early 20th century, it was considered a crippling birth defect if you didn't have a thick, full beard at three months. Thus, prior to the invention of the Gillette Safety Razor, parents would have to shave the baby with a straight razor, and this product finally made it safe for the infant to shave himself.
4. Rainier Beer
This 1906 ad for Rainier Beer not only encouraged young people to start drinking but specifically says to make a "habit" out of it. Oh, but don't worry -- it "brings the glow of health."
This one has to get credit for going above and beyond Young Fritz up there. After all, that kid could have sneaked a cigar out of Old Fritz's stash without him knowing. But, no, here they're issuing a clear call to the terrifying old men of the world: "Find a young girl and make her drink beer with you." Really, the most irresponsible part of the ad is that it doesn't warn him to hide her revolver first.
5. Pet Monkey/Raccoon
"Hey look, Mom, we can just order rabies right out of the magazine now!"
Yes, the 1960s were a magical time, when wild animals were sold in comic books. Where were they getting all these monkeys and raccoons from anyway? Do we want to know? Is there a connection with the fact that the spider monkey is today on the endangered species list? Surely not -- it says right on the ad: "Live delivery guaranteed." These were clearly professionals when it came to cramming monkeys into cardboard mailing tubes.
Also, notice that the monkey is advertised as eating the same food as humans and "even likes lollipops." This is why most houses in the 60s smelled strongly of raccoons and monkey diarrhea.
