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September 18, 2019

Warm Up With Traci Lords, 1990

Produced by Marc Lemkin (who directed Swayze Dancing and also produced 1989’s How to Get Revenge, hosted by Linda Blair), this workout’s front cover reassures fitness seekers that the routine was designed by Tanya Everett and a then-member of the President’s Council on Physical Fitness… both of whom totally signed on to produce an exercise video with someone famous for being an underage porn star.

This video also boasts that it’s the “first and only completely non-impact ‘jazz-thetics’ exercise system,” a workout trend that sadly did not catch on, perhaps because it sounds like a rip-off of Jazzercise, which had been around for at least a decade by then.

Backed by a man and a woman in a vaguely depressing living room set, Lords performs standard moves such as neck circles, leg lifts, and pelvic thrusts punctuated by a lot of arm swinging. Much of it is too jerky and fast, and Lords’s rap doesn’t include any advice for protecting one’s lower back during the moves.


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