Wednesday, May 3, 2017

10 Horrifying Vintage Sex Toys That Will Shock, Appal or Maybe Even Inspire You!

The sheer amount and range of adult toys on the market today can be absolutely mind-blowing in a number of ways. But have you ever thought about how these bedroom-enhancing gadgets first started out? Let’s face it; sex stores haven’t exactly been around for very long, in fact, the world’s first sex shop opened in West Germany in 1962. But that’s not to say that our ancestors didn’t enjoy a bit of adult-toy based stimulation before then!

Here are top ten vintage sex toys, and some of them will shock, appal or maybe even inspire you.

1. Stone Dildo

In 2005, researchers found what is thought to be the oldest known dildo; an ancient eight-inch stone phallus, dating back to 26,000 BC. Uncovered in a cave in Germany, scientists say the sculpted and polished siltstone phallus may have been used as a sex toy by its Ice Age manufacturers.

2. Offensive Weapon or Personal Vibrator?

This rather terrifying-looking piece of machinery is in fact some sort of vibrating metal ball. Much like other personal vibrators it likely gives a rather powerful sensation when applied to the body, just whether or not you want to put it anywhere near your nether regions is up to you.

3. Goat-Eye Cock Rings

The first ever cock rings were reported to have existed around 1200AD in China. The first ever cock rings were apparently made from the eyelids of goats – with the eyelashes intact! They were later made with Jade instead, and some jade rings are available to this day.

4. Steam-Powered Vibrator Machine

Don’t be alarmed, but this was the first ever vibrator, created by American physician George Taylor MD in 1869. This large piece of steam-powered apparatus was used to treat an apparent illness known then as ‘female hysteria’. It’s now known as being horny.

5. Horse Exercise Stimulator

After the steam-powered vibrator came the ‘Horse Exercise Machine’ of the 1880s. According to the times, women were known to have sex drives and so the strange ‘womb disease’ of hysteria was cured or alleviated through ‘pelvic massage’ by contraptions such as this.

6. Nazi Sex Doll

Who knew that Nazi Germany created the sex doll? ‘Project Borghild’, a female plastic sex doll or ‘gynoid’ was created in 1941 at Germany’s Hygiene Museum. The top-secret ‘field hygienic project’ was launched to ‘counterbalance’ sexual drive and tension of troops in the field, and to lessen their temptation of sleeping with prostitutes.

7. Not A Dildo, A ‘Cordless Massager’

We don’t know who they thought they were fooling with this advert, but the ‘cordless massager’ this woman is gently applying to her face is clearly meant for other areas of the body.

8. 1970s Life-Like ‘Love Maid’

Something about this image reeks of false advertising. Surely any 1970s ‘Love Maid’ constructed of vinyl for $8.95 could not possibly look like the lovely ‘Judy’ shown barely clothed in the advertisement. But fear not, “accommodating” Judy is apparently “the most amazing, realistic and life-like companion you’ll ever own!”

9. Scary Mechanical Body Vibrators

Vibrators had made their way into the home from the early 1900s as ‘body massagers’, but were never referred to as pleasure tools. Instead they were marketed for helping with ailments and illnesses such headaches and tuberculosis, or even just fading beauty. This 1950s ‘Vitilator’ looks a bit industrial, but apparently it was great for an all body massage!

10. Big 18th Century Wooden Willies

This pair of rather sizeable polished wooden dildos date from the 18th century and are on sale at an Antiques Auction in Essex. Made from Rosewood, the late-1700s phalluses are expected to fetch £3000-4000 at auction. They look pretty sturdy, but who’s willing to buy second hand dildos?

Isn’t it a great privilege that the adult toy industry has come on leaps and bounds since the times when these rather odd pleasure tools were around? ‘Female hysteria’ was finally revealed as utter nonsense and thus the female sex drive was ‘discovered’. Now there is barely any taboo attached to adult toys and sexual exploration, so go forth and find your own, more modern favorites!

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